What is Perfectionism & How to Overcome It
Perfectionism can be sneaky and you may not realize you are experiencing it.
At least that is how it was for me.
You may be wondering what is perfectionism?
“A perfectionist is someone who has a personality that strives for flawlessness. This is often accomplished through fixating on imperfections, trying to control situations, working hard, and/or being critical of the self or others.” (Source)
Entrepreneurship, coaching and spirituality are a few of the areas where I feel bombarded with messaging telling me I’m not good enough or I’m doing something wrong.
This triggers my reaction to go learn more, make changes and somehow “fix myself.”
Firstly a common marketing tactic is educating people on their pain points or problems they are experiencing and providing a solution for it. I research a lot about business, and I get why this is smart and useful marketing strategy. Even I share about the struggles my target clients are experiencing and how my services and courses can help them.
But when all you see online is the many ways you aren’t good enough or doing something wrong… it’s exhausting, triggering and I think unhealthy to always be consuming that messaging.
I didn’t realize how everything I was consuming online was affecting me until I felt this pressure to be perfect, never make a mistake and squeeze myself into a box of what perfection looks like.
It’s funny though because I always felt free to be me and create life on my terms. I’m fine being seen as as the black sheep or a bit eccentric.
However I also felt this pressure to be “healed”, perfectly embodied in my feminine energy at all times, never react or get triggered, know exactly what to share online and how to connect with people, reach certain goals by a certain age and so on.
Whew…. exhale. I’m releasing those impossibly high expectations of myself.
Here are the ways I am overcoming perfectionism in my own life.
1. Unconditional Self Acceptance
I wrote out a list of all the areas that I felt I needed to work on and change about myself. I decided I’m going to accept everything on this list in the present moment and I can still work to improve certain things but I am reaffirming that I am whole, complete and good enough right now.
2. Narrow My Friend Circle
I’m gracefully letting go of the people in my life who were waiting to pounce when they saw me stumble or make a mistake. Anyone who was criticizing me for being human or for being me. Any critical comments towards my body, clothing choices, dancing, business, dating, food choices… those people are out. Unsolicited feedback is not welcome at this stage in my life. I do appreciate friends who are caring, compassionate, uplifting and offer honest feedback when I ask for it.
3. Enjoy the Process, Not Just the Result
When I get too focused on achieving a certain goal I beat myself up if I mess up or don’t accomplish it fast enough. Being too focused on the result has been fuelling these unhealthy perfectionism tendencies. Instead I am fully enjoying the process, not tying my worth to any outcome and giving myself grace.
Think about a baby learning to walk. You wouldn’t yell or berate a baby if it fell down when it was learning to walk. You would be gentle, encouraging and supportive. I am now viewing all my new goals with that perspective because I am trying something new for the first time even though I am an adult there is still a learning curve. So I am being gentle, encouraging and supportive towards myself in the process and putting less pressure on the end result.
If you are struggling with the pressure to be perfect know that you aren’t alone and I hope you take steps to be kinder, more accepting and patient with yourself.
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