Sacred Sexuality & Intentional Celibacy

Back in September 2021 I decided to be celibate after a short term relationship had ended.

To be completely honest what spurred this decision was because I was fed up with being physically intimate with men who did not genuinely care about me.

I had experiences in the past where I felt like the only thing a man wanted from me was sex. They were just using my body with no regard for my feelings, my pleasure, didn’t respect me or didn’t make an effort to see me again afterwards.

I’ve learned that for women our hearts need to feel safe for our bodies to fully relax with a partner, receive and even experience pleasure.

I chatted with friends and learned that if their relationship (whether it be with a boyfriend or casual fling) lacked trust and safety their bodies would shut down.

I also felt that once I was physically intimate with someone it clouded my judgement, red flags were less apparent, I felt more attached and more willing to let disrespectful actions or comments slide. That’s what happened with the guy I briefly dated. And once I was aware of what was happening I decided it was best to end it.

After that experience I wanted to let my heart heal. I didn’t want to follow the common advice people give after a break up, which is go find a rebound to get over an ex.

Instead I heard from two different relationship coaches that they went through periods of intentional celibacy to focus on self love and not settle for connections that did not meet their standards.

So I decided let’s give this a try and focus on myself for a while, process what I was going through, focus on my big life transition ( I was moving to Mexico) and wait a bit before I opened up to dating again. Then when I did start dating I focused on developing an emotional connection only.

During my spiritual awakening journey my perspective on sex has shifted over the years. I used to view it as an activity for mutual pleasure and that humans needed physical contact so it was a natural desire and need.

But now I view sex as an expression of love, a way to reach higher states of consciousness and experience the divine. There needs to be safety, trust, and more than just lust or desire present for it to be fulfilling. Both peoples hearts need to be open.

I now view sex as a much more sacred act. The word sex stands for Sacred Energy eXchange, it’s the most intimate act you can do with someone.

Unfortunately with modern dating culture the beauty, tenderness and sacredness of sex seems to be lost. Men just want to use women’s bodies for their pleasure only or to boost their ego. Women make sex transactional and see what they can get in exchange for it. (not all men and women do this, but some from what I’ve observed) Courting or getting to know someone has been traded in for last minute booty calls. People want casual flings instead of devoting themselves to growing in union with another.

Intentional celibacy comes into play because you seal up energetic leaks from engagements with people that did not fully align with you. It’s not settling for less than what you desire, whether that be a monogamous relationship, love, or mutually pleasurable sexual experiences.

For women like myself that are tired of meaningless hookup culture, intentional celibacy may be a good option for you until you align with a partner who is also looking for a relationship and wants to prioritize spending quality time to build trust and connection before a physical connection.

Also if you are reading this and are thinking “wow celibacy sounds very boring and depressing” I thought that too at first, but as time went on I felt increasingly more confident, empowered and had a higher sense of self worth. It feels as if my energy has been cleansed since I haven’t had any partners for the past several months and I have cultivated more love, joy and peace within myself.

This post isn’t meant to shame or judge anyone that chooses a different path or has completely different views on sex. Ultimately everyone can do whatever they choose with their body and maybe having multiple partners or just casual one time encounters is empowering and fulfilling to some people.

Overall it comes down to knowing what you truly want and not settling for less.

Remember sex is sacred, your body is a temple. Be discerning who you let into your energy field and how that will impact you.