Overcoming the Shadow of Sensuality
For women who have felt any shame, fear or judgement from embracing their sensuality, I can relate. Learning to embrace my sensuality has been a slow and steady process of reclaiming a part of myself that I shut away.
I shut this part of me away a long time ago because growing up I always had this fear of being called a slut.
Everyone in high school gossiped about the girls who wore push up bras, low cut tops, had nose piercings, drank a bit too much at parties and were flirtatious and confident with men. They were judged, and sadly looked down upon.
Those girls were labelled sluts. And they received that label regardless of their sexual history.
I remember being so embarrassed when I wore a white lace halter top to school and had a girl who was “one of the guys” burst out laughing when she saw me at lunch.
Or in dance class when I choreographed a routine that had a floor sequence, some of the girls in my class gave me a weird look and refused to do that part.
In school all the girls were told “don’t show your shoulders, chest, legs, stomach, and don’t you dare let your bra strap be exposed.” School indirectly taught us our bodies were a distraction and exposing skin was shameful.
I have countless examples how my body, clothing, emotions, behaviour, movement, hobbies etc. were shamed and shut down over the years. Which is sad because all of this was just a natural expression of my innate femininity.
In high school I was aware there was an invisible line I knew not to cross otherwise I’d gain a bad reputation.
It was safer being “the good girl” and shutting down anything that may attract male attention because the worst thing to be labelled was a slut.
Looking back I’m sure most women can recall pivotal moments when they learned to hide parts of their personality or essence because they were seen as bad, dangerous, wrong or unloveable.
Now fast forward over a decade later and I’ve learned that these parts or our personality we hide or reject become part of our shadow self.
“The “shadow self” is a concept first coined by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung that describes those aspects of the personality that we choose to reject and repress. For one reason or another, we all have parts of ourselves that we don’t like—or that we think society won’t like—so we push those parts down into our unconscious psyches.” -Highexistence.com
So if you were indirectly taught that certain parts of yourself were bad or unlovable and you needed to hide it in order to be accepted, those are part of your shadow self.
I had quite a few qualities in my shadow self that I’ve worked on reintegrating, loving and accepting. One of them was my sensual/sexual side.
Your sensual & sexual side is:
Bold
Confident
In her power
Feels pleasure
Expresses her sexual desires
Loves her body
Feels sexy and attractive
Wears whatever she wants
Moves however she wants
Is unapologetic & doesn’t care what you think of her
Embodies feminine magnetism
When you list out all those qualities you may think, oh that’s not so bad. Actually I would like to feel more of that in my own life!
If you feel you are lacking some or all of the qualities above then you probably have rejected your sensuality & sexuality as well at some point.
Think of how many women could be loving their body, feeling more attractive, an increase of confidence and fully claimed their desires if society didn’t shame women in this way?
When women feel they need to hide or repress their sensual/sexual side, a fundamental part of their multi-faceted nature as feminine beings has been stripped away.
What’s even more frustrating as a woman is that media and businesses PROFIT off of female sexual energy. It sells in movies & TV shows, and is used to sell fashion and beauty products. Nightclubs, porn, and certain restaurants make money from it. (I’m sure there are more industries I haven’t listed)
But if a woman wants to embody this energy for herself, not to make money, not to get male attention, but simply because it’s part of her and she shouldn’t be ashamed of it - she is unfortunately judged and is labelled a slut.
Part of my spiritual journey has been returning to wholeness and reclaiming aspects of myself I rejected. So I have spent the past several months accepting and embodying this side of myself, because it is a side of me.
Personally one of the biggest changes I have noticed since reintegrating this quality is I feel more empowered. Experiencing this internal shift made me realize how important it is that more women begin to love and accept this side to themselves because the world needs more women in their power and confidently expressing their whole, authentic self!
Some ways I’ve been embodying my sensual/sexual side:
Wearing what I want (which includes bikinis, flowy dresses, going braless and wearing clothes that hug my curves)
Adding more pleasure into my life (massages, pedicures, laying in the sun, ocean swims, flowers, etc)
Lots of dance! Ecstatic dance, pole dancing & salsa dancing
Sensual floor work, embodiment practices & workshops
Self pleasure and using a black obsidian yoni wand
Sensual embodiment meditations
Positive affirmations and EFT to engrain new beliefs about my body & sensuality
Allowing myself to actually feel attractive and sexy and be seen embodying that energy
Taking photos and videos where I feel and express my femininity & sensuality
After decades of being conditioned to think this is bad there are layers of shame, fear and self judgement that are coming up to be felt, released and healed. So the process can be heavy and emotional at times.
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