How to Express Your Authentic Self
What does it truly mean to be your authentic self?
“Authenticity means you're true to your own personality, values, and spirit, regardless of the pressure that you're under to act otherwise. You're honest with yourself and with others, and you take responsibility for your mistakes. Your values, ideals, and actions align. As a result, you come across as genuine, and you're willing to accept the consequences of being true to what you consider to be right.” -Mindtools.com
There’s different levels to authenticity and some things are harder to express than others. Below are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are being your authentic self.
Are you letting your full, true personality shine or dimming yourself down to be more palatable?
Are you following fashion/design trends or are you expressing yourself creatively based on your own preferences?
Are you spending time doing hobbies that excite you or are you taking part in activities because they are “cool” and you want to fit in?
Are you pursuing a career path because it sounds impressive to others and pleases your parents or are you pursuing the path that most excites you even if no one is encouraging you?
Authenticity means not fitting in the cookie-cutter mould just so you fit in and are accepted. The examples I just listed are more surface level areas of your life to look at, but authenticity also goes deeper than that. Also ask yourself:
What are your values and are you living by them?
Are you speaking your truth? (ie. sharing your unique opinion, perspective, story and beliefs)
Are you being honest about how you feel?
Are you communicating your boundaries and speaking up when you are not okay with something?
Are you acknowledging your mistakes instead of ignoring or avoiding them?
Are you asking for what you want?
These aspects of being authentic are harder because you will most likely rock the boat with some people in your life. You are ditching your people pleasing tendencies. Some might tell you “just be your authentic self, speak your truth and people will love you for it!”
That’s not always the case. Some people will love you for it. Personally I like when someone communicates boundaries with me or speaks their mind because it inspires me to do the same. But other people won’t like it at all because you are challenging them or making them uncomfortable in some way.
Authenticity means being true to yourself even if it’s the unpopular thing to do or people are judging you. It means not doing certain things just to gain acceptance or approval but instead following your own internal compass.
Some people tell me they love what I wear. Others tell me they don’t like my style.
Some tell me they think my apartment is so cute. Others say they would never want to live there.
Some people think it’s incredible I moved to Mexico. Others think I’m crazy and it was a bad idea.
The good, approving opinions and the negative, disapproving opinions don’t affect my decisions because I’m following what I desire! My heart and intuition are the only places I check in with to make sure I’m on the right track. That to me is living authentically.
So how can you start to be more authentic? Look at all the areas of your life where you are dimming yourself down to be more palatable, likeable or accepted.
I had a big fear of shining too bright because I thought I would attract unwanted attention, jealousy and judgement from others. I subconsciously thought if I just played small and dimmed myself down I would be safe and not bother anyone around me or make them feel less than good enough.
But who does that benefit?! Certainly not myself and it doesn’t benefit anyone around me either.
I had to look at the different areas of my life and observe where I was dimming myself or making myself “more palatable” to others. These are the actions I took to express more of my authentic self:
Express my emotions and not shame myself when I was feeling low
Not do things to please other people (such as hanging out or talking on the phone because the other person really wanted me to but I felt tired and needed rest)
Say no more often (to going out with friends, to collaborations, trade of services etc.)
Only spend time with people I feel good around (I distanced myself from people who were critical, lacked compassion or were frequently complaining)
Dress in clothes I love even if they drew more attention
Take dance classes and share dance videos online (and stopping the old story that I could never be a dancer and just doing it because I enjoy it)
Shift my business when I felt inspired (becoming certified as a coach and creating online courses)
Move to a new country when I intuitively knew it was the best decision for my wellbeing
Show up more online and allow myself to be seen
Accept my sole purpose is not to just be quiet and keep the peace at all times (I can be loud, expressive, a free thinker, shake things up and that is actually a good thing!)
Own what I want in life and pursue it (a community of kind & entrepreneurial girlfriends, to have a family in the future, to live somewhere tropical, etc.)
I shared a lot of tips with you and questions to reflect on. Now take one step toward expressing your authentic self and watch how your world changes. Enjoy living authentically and the inner freedom you will experience!
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