Are You Reacting From Your Wound?

How accurate are our perceptions of what happens to us?

The coaching industry gets criticized for telling people “triggers are a reflection of pain within yourself.”

It’s a partial truth.

Some reactions are completely justified. You will encounter people who purposely say hurtful comments to try to get a reaction from you. So reacting with anger, hurt, embarrassment makes sense and doesn’t necessarily mean you are reacting from a past wound.

But there are situations where you are triggered and not reacting to the present situation but having a certain response because it is reminding you of something that happened in the past.

This is when a trigger can be seen as the gateway into healing. It is showing you exactly what emotional wound you still carry within yourself.

I’ll share an example of this happening in my own life.

I was on a group coaching call and sharing a very personal insecurity with a coach of mine. When she responded to me I felt that she was cold, harsh, uncaring and had that mean girl attitude that I despised. I felt so raw and vulnerable and that was not the energy I wanted to receive from her.

The coaching call was recorded so a week or so later I rewatched the call so I could remember what she said to me and her advice. When I rewatched the call I was in a much more calm, less activated emotional state. To my surprise my coach was so sweet, gentle and understanding with me and gave such a lovely response to me.

She wasn’t the problem, it was my own wound that I projected on to her because I was in a highly emotional state. The situation was bringing back past experiences of being vulnerable and being teased and bullied my mean girls in school so I immediately felt those same emotions flood back, even though that wasn’t accurate to my present situation.

I would have never known I was projecting from this triggered state if I had not had this situation recorded and rewatched it. It made me think “how many times has this happened in my life where someone was actually being kind and understanding but I viewed them as mean and harsh?”

Our mind and emotions can be a bit tricky.

Part of me wants to tell everyone to trust themselves and how they feel around certain people, and to definitely not gaslight themselves and deny what they felt to be true.

But honestly our past experiences and emotional wounds or trauma’s act as a filter for our life presently. That is why it’s so important to go inward, use triggers as an opportunity to do healing work and to take a breath, step back and see if we are seeing the situation accurately from a calm, neutral place.

When you heal the root cause of a trigger you become less reactive.

As a coach myself do I think we can remove every single trigger?

No probably not. That’s also a lot to expect of yourself.

But you can overcome a lot of triggers if you don’t avoid or deny them but approach them head on as they show up.

It is always beneficial to do the work to heal triggers and past wounds/traumas so you don’t project your past pain on your present circumstances and react unfavourably. You also feel more peace, safety and security within yourself, and no longer let the outside world or others comments shake you.

Here are some action steps to take if you suspect a wound of yours has been triggered:

1. Take a Pause

Between stimulus and response is the opportunity to choose how you want to react. Instead of reacting right away, pause and take a breath and consciously decide how you want to respond. That way you accurately take in what is happening and decide how you want to show up in that moment. How you repeatedly act and respond shape who you are as a person.

2. Get Some Space

Give yourself physical space from the situation if you feel you are in a fight or flight response. Excuse yourself until you feel calm and centred again. Physically leaving can help you avoid emotional overwhelm while you process what happened or was said.

3. Reflect on Past Experiences

Clarify how you feel in the moment you are triggered, and ask yourself if those feelings relate to something that happened in the past. If you can recall a situation where you felt similar and you didn’t have the opportunity to fully process it then it is likely you are reacting from the past wound. Have time alone to journal everything you currently feel and what you wish you had said or did during the past experience. Allow yourself to validate how you felt in the moment and let the emotions flow through you without judging what wants to come up.