The Spiral of the Healing Journey

You make so much progress on certain areas, you think “xyz no longer triggers me,” old wounds have healed and you don’t react how you used to.

Then seemingly out of nowhere, an area where you thought you made so much progress comes back to haunt you.

It can feel like you are taking a step backward but you are actually going deeper. You are learning certain lessons in a deeper, more nuanced way.

Every person has different obstacles, hardships, lessons and wisdom they came to go through and unlock during their life.

My spiritual perspective is that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and our soul came with wisdom from previous incarnations/past lives/different planets etc.

We chose our families to be born into, we have a soul mission and purpose. We chose certain things to experience because it would help with our evolution. We chose our personalities as they are uniquely suited for our soul mission.

This may be a triggering perspective to some people because they think I would NEVER choose my family or the hardships I have endured, why would I choose to go through loss, heartbreak, and trauma.

I never say people deserve the tough experiences they have gone through. And believe me I can relate, why would I choose certain things I went through?

However when you go through something challenging and come out the other side you gain embodied wisdom, not just wisdom you read about but from actual life experience.

That wisdom helps you moving forward in your life.

And the unique challenges you have overcome, are most likely related to your soul’s purpose and mission. You are being initiated into the area where you will lead and be of service to help others who are going through the same thing you did.

So instead of beating yourself up when the same old lesson or trigger returns again, remember you are becoming an expert at a certain topic and learning the nuances of it.

Reframe the experience from being hard on yourself, wondering if you will ever overcome it to —-> I am mastering this subject, I am a lifelong student, and my knowledge is deepening.

Also remember you are human! No one is “perfectly healed.” Let go of the need to be perfect.

Instead embrace the spiral because the deeper you go the higher you soar. This is the process of ascension.

I recently went into my own little downward spiral that was triggered by a spontaneous beach photoshoot.

I felt pulled to it, thinking I would feel happy, confident and love myself even more.

I had a lot of fun during the photo shoot and the photographer did such a good job at making me feel comfortable, she was so cute and playful!

However I was in a bikini so I was feeling a bit self conscious.

Then she sent me a video she edited from the photo shoot and I had a very negative response to seeing myself. I felt fat, ugly, gross, overweight, chunky and so unattractive…

I had a lot of past feelings and insecurities arise which felt like taking a huge step back in my own self-love/body acceptance journey. I also felt like a fraud… I am supposed to help others with this, not crying uncontrollably and being so critical towards myself.

It was a bit of an emotional rollercoaster because I went from feeling great during the photoshoot, to feeling awful the few days following it, and then I feeling really good again once I processed the shame, disgust and sadness that came up.

It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders and now I feel even more free, happy and at ease with myself.

Another layer, gone.

You attract certain experiences to draw out any low frequency emotions such as shame, guilt, fear, anger, grief etc. that were unconscious or repressed and have been holding you back.

For me the experience I attracted was the beach photoshoot.

This sounds awful, why would anyone want to do something that triggers a bunch of negative emotions?? But it’s actually beneficial.

This is how healing happens. Everything no longer serving you comes up to be felt and released.

Only staying in the light and positive feeling emotions doesn’t help you, it’s avoidance and emotional bypassing.

So now coming out the other side of my own downward spiral, I can see letting go of body shame the feminine is holding onto is a recurring theme in my life.

I keep experiencing and learning how deep this wound goes with myself but also collectively because a lot of women also experience similar thoughts and feelings about their bodies as I have.

I’ve written about self-love, body confidence and how to shift your mindset to love your body. Those are tips and steps I’ve taken that have helped me over the years.

But nothing helps more than letting yourself feel into the darkest, most shadowy thoughts and feelings you have buried deep down.

When you face the dark within, you make room to embody more light.

Photos by @amandream_

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