Acknowledging & Trusting God’s Provision
This journey of relaxing and trusting God will (and has been) providing for me is a death to the ego.
Softly letting the independent, strong, I can do it all myself, ambitious, girl boss persona die… and shifting into the new identity of I am a cherished daughter and beloved of God, I am provided for, I trust and receive.
I have slowly let my overworking, hustling, driven side slip away the past few years after my first trip to Costa Rica in 2020, and it has been quite a de-conditioning process. It did not happen overnight. I can feel my nervous system keeps wanting to go slower, slower and even slower…
The belief that comes up loudly is “but you have to work hard & hustle in order to provide for yourself, you can’t slow down!”
For any woman that was taught she had to do it all herself, overwork herself until she was exhausted and burnt out, couldn’t ask for help, and had to prove her worth through how much she could do or achieve, trusting God’s provision may be a challenge because it is a complete flip of energy.
It’s relying on someone else (not a human but spiritually relying on God), it is doing less, resting, surrendering your plans to God, and listening to his direction. It is sincerely praying and asking for his guidance, assistance and provision, it is knowing you are inherently worthy not because of what you do but by who you are, which is a daughter and beloved of God.
This process has asked me to let go of how I think my life should look, my timeline, my plans, and open myself up to seeing the provision God has already given me.
Start by looking around presently and ask yourself, what has God already given you? Then reflect back on your life and see all the ways He has always been providing for you without you realizing it, before you had this intimate relationship with Him.
A quote I live my life by is “When you change how you look at things, the things you are looking at change.”
When you start looking at your life through the lens of “how has God already been providing for me my whole life?” You start to see and acknowledge you never had to do it all on your own. You could always ask for help and He was always listening to your requests.
The world can feel insane at times. The future is unknown and that can be scary. But I know that my beliefs shape my experience and I don’t want to continue living a life where I don’t feel God at my back, guiding me, protecting me and providing for me. I know I did not choose to live on this earthly plane without spiritual guidance and assistance.
There are so many people who are lost, depressed, living in fear, lack and are looking to fill a void within themselves that only God was designed to fill.
You can have the beautiful home, the loving partner, be healthy, have a thriving career but I believe a relationship and connection with God is a key component of what leads to a truly fulfilling life.
Part of trusting God’s provision is seeing that even the things he did not give me was His provision.
There are so many things I wished for that God did not provide me with, and looking back at them I see it was protection! Either His answer was:
No this isn’t good for you
You can’t energetically hold it and appreciate it fully now, so I won’t give it to you quite yet
Be patient I have something better than you could imagine
Or yes I will give this to you
All the jobs I applied for and did not get was God redirecting me to a more aligned path for myself. Looking back if I had gotten any of those jobs I might have stayed in Toronto and never went to volunteer at an eco-community in Costa Rica, which opened me up to a whole way of living I did not know existed.
If I was booked up with photography clients while living in Canada I might not have moved to Mexico because business was thriving.
If any of the men I went on dates with turned into relationships maybe I would have made different decisions that led me down a different path than I am on now. Maybe I never would have connected to God because that space felt filled with a relationship.
There were also many times I prayed deeply for something and God did provide it.
I prayed to leave Canada in 2020 before the winter because I had a feeling the country would go back into lockdown (staying cooped up inside when it is dark, snowy and not being able to see people was not something I wanted to endure) so I went to live in Costa Rica for 4 months and had a trip of a lifetime!
I prayed to find a way to move to Mexico when I had no savings, that I would get my temporary residency, lease an apartment, meet friends in a new country, and all of those prayers He answered.
I prayed to impact more people through my work and not worry about marketing and I got hired to coach at a company that allows me to serve from my heart and feel fulfilled each day. I have since coached over 300 clients.
I prayed for more financial stability, a kinder more easy going landlord, for my family to visit me in Mexico, for Esther (my cat) to come to Mexico and live with me, for fun trips with friends, that my family is safe and healthy, for a beautiful spacious apartment within my budget and that had a pool so I could spend more time outside.
He answered ALL those prayers.
I also combed through my past and acknowledge “wow God has been providing for me this whole time.” However sometimes it may not seem like it because He isn’t always giving you what you want, but what you need.
Currently I am spending more time alone, going inward, enjoying my peace and quiet. Part of me is resisting it because I would love to build a community of friends in Tulum, but I see God is waiting on delivering that because right now he knows slowness, peace and being with myself is actually what I need in this moment.
Now I am praying for the next chapter and it feels nourishing to my soul! I feel it was placed on my heart by God so I trust that it is there for a reason and meant for me.
I am praying for a community of kind, loving souls with shared values as myself, to design and build and a home off-grid, that is solar powered and has a fruit and vegetable garden and to meet my life partner who I will have a family with in the future.
I have desired a community and life partner for a couple years. Looking back I have met a lot of people and had community but it was transient. I went on dates and had a couple short flings but not long enduring love and devotion.
I know even those experiences was God’s provision, because like I said earlier it may not be what you want but He gives you what you need. Sometimes certain experiences are what you need. And anytime someone or something was removed from my life I trust it was for my benefit.
So now presently I am sinking deeper into trust that He is providing for me. God has got my back and I can relax and rest in His frame.