The Gift of Experiencing Loneliness
Loneliness is an emotion I have experienced several times throughout my life. However instead of looking back at the periods I felt lonely with sadness, I now see that time was surprisingly a gift.
It was that feeling that inspired me to step out of my comfort zone, to meet new friends, go to events where I didn’t know anyone, travel solo and stay in hostels to meet other travellers, join activities, pour my time and energy into creative projects, go on dates, reconnect with old friends, spend quality time with my family, adopt pets and more.
Loneliness is an unpleasant emotional response to perceived isolation. Loneliness is also described as social pain – a psychological mechanism which motivates individuals to seek social connections. It is often associated with a perceived lack of connection and intimacy. (Source)
There were times in my life where I felt lonely and hated that feeling. So it lit a fire under my butt to make a change and take action.
Other times the feeling of loneliness was actually needed. It was necessary for me to spend time alone to do some deep introspective work and stop hating being alone so much. More recently I require more quiet alone time to connect with God.
For example when I was 22 I lived in Montreal and had a couple friends there, but not many since I moved to a new city.
One weekend per month I would go back to Toronto to visit my boyfriend and one weekend he would come to Montreal to visit me. That left with me with 2 weekends per month that I had to fill so I wasn’t alone doing nothing and feeling lonely.
I started collaborating with bloggers, models, hair stylists, make up artists and different designers and entrepreneurs two weekends per month for a whole year. I would reach out to people and some would reach out to me and together we would create photo shoot concepts I had been dreaming of.
Before taking a job in fashion marketing I was dreaming of starting my own brand photography business but I needed to grow my portfolio first. I was creating lots during this time, blogging consistently and eventually got my first paid clients.
This period of loneliness turned out to be a gift of free time to pour into my creativity, improve my skills, grow my network and transition from employee to entrepreneur.
Another period I was lonely was when I was travelling Mexico alone in Spring of 2021. I used those few months to create and film a 10 module course and launch it while I was living in a cute rooftop loft.
I also was single so decided to date and open myself up to meeting new people (much needed after a year of lockdowns). This was also a time of deep introspection and I was clearing a lot of repressed emotions and limiting beliefs from my system. AKA I was journaling and crying often, but it was needed!
Before this I was living in a house in Costa Rica with 6 people and I didn’t have much privacy to really delve deep into what I was feeling and make space for my emotions to surface. I had to keep it stored within until I had alone time to really process everything I was going through.
It was during this time that I wanted to make peace with being alone. I decided I can enjoy and savour my alone time and not feel lonely. I don’t want to always feel I need to escape myself and have this desperate need to be around other people. I wanted to enjoy my own company and create a sanctuary within myself.
Now it is summer 2023, I moved to Tulum 2 months ago and I don’t know many people here yet. I am feeling a bit lonely at times but it doesn’t feel depressing and heavy like the feeling did in the past because now I view time alone as peaceful, relaxing, and I have freedom to do what I want.
I am also in a season of life where I am deepening my connection with God and that requires more peace and quiet. So I am embracing this season of more solitude while also opening myself to meeting new people, staying in contact with friends & family and taking dance classes.
I have a healthier perspective and balance in life now. I tune into my needs, I don’t shame them, I am not resisting time alone but making the most of the freedom I have.
I also feel more compassion towards myself because desiring connection with others is a natural human need. It’s also not great to isolate yourself so much that it affects your mental health. The pandemic was a big reminder of that. So that feeling of loneliness is also a helpful reminder to get out there and prioritize the relationships in your life!
If you are feeling lonely check in and see what you need more of right now:
Time to process thoughts and feelings you have been avoiding
Self care (meditation, yoga, massage, journaling)
Exercise
Phone call with a friend or family member
To go out and meet new people
Join a club or take a group class
Makes plans with friends
Time spent on hobbies
Creative/passion project
Solo trip
Connection with God
To adopt a pet
To learn how to enjoy your own company & create a sanctuary within
It’s also important to remember that you can be around people, a few or many, and still feel extremely lonely. It doesn’t feel great to be around people that make you feel bad about yourself or tear you down in any way.
Personally I would RATHER be alone than around people like that. Which is why creating a peaceful, happy sanctuary within myself was important for me so I never settle for awful relationships in my life out of the fear of being alone.
If you are experiencing loneliness, remember you are not the only person who feels this way. There are lots of people out there who also desire connection. Nothing is wrong with you either. Loneliness can be a gift and a catapult to a whole new life if you view it that way and let it motivate you to take action.