Overcome the Fear of Never Finding Love
It’s a scary and sad thought to never find true, pure, romantic love and partnership.
But the harsh reality is… Not everyone finds the fairytale romance they dream of.
Just like not everyone becomes a millionaire, loves their job, has their dream body, is a professional model or has multiple homes.
Some people find someone who they unconditionally love and who loves them back and they spend the rest of their lives together. But that’s not the reality for every single person.
I think some people need to remember that and take it in…
And if you are someone who found love know it’s a blessing. (And something a lot of people are wishing for.)
So I am 29, single and have not found the person I love and want to co-create life with. And yes I have had the thoughts of what if it never happens…
I’ve felt a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions on this topic, like should I just settle for someone I feel so-so about? if I don’t meet someone in 5 years should I go to a sperm bank, have kids on my own and be a single mom? Or just accept the fact I’ll be alone forever and adopt a bunch of animals and be the stereotypical cat lady??
I journaled about this topic and at first I did not want to share about it because it’s very vulnerable, but also a very real fear lingering in the back of some people’s minds… I’m sure especially women can relate because we have an “ internal clock” so to speak.
I feel I have come to a place of peace, acceptance, even optimism on this topic instead of feeling fear. (And who better to write about this because this isn’t a topic someone who already found love, or someone who is single but chronically jumps from relationship to relationship, could share their opinion about.)
What can you do if you haven’t found love yet and you feel like it will never happen?
Below are my tips to overcome this fear.
1. Shift from finding love to embodying love
Instead of desperately searching for love outside of yourself and in relationships, start to BE love. Embody love, be the vessel for love to flow through, spread that love to everyone around you, channel it into art/your creations or your work. That shift alone moves you from a place of lack to empowerment because you are now the source of love in your life.
I think people get this wrong. Love isn’t something you search for, it’s a quality you embody. Also from the spiritual perspective remember we ARE love. I feel so full of love everyday because I make this my goal.
2. Focus on all the different types of love in your life
Besides a romantic relationship you have parents, siblings, friends, pets/animals, co-workers, self-love, communities you are part of, clients you work with & more.
Focus on cultivating loving, nurturing relationships in your life in general. Surround yourself with lots of love, have a community that feels like family.
For some reason people have less resistance to allowing in these forms of love into their life, they believe it’s possible and readily available.
Appreciate all the different relationship dynamics and types of love currently in your life. I have met so many different people over the last 5 years and have felt lots of love through different dynamics.
I have felt love from a community when I volunteered in Costa Rica, from platonic male friends, an overflowing amount of love from my female friends and family, from my clients, even my cat Esther gives me so much love everyday.
3. Create friendships with the opposite sex
If you have not found a romantic connection yet, focus on just being friends with the opposite sex, or same sex (whoever you gravitate towards dating).
The big difference between a romantic relationship and friendship is the presence of physical connection and attraction.
Focus on forming deep emotional connections with a variety of people and forget about physical attraction or deciding if you have similar goals/values and would make good life partners.
This has been my approach with dating over the past year. Purely focused on developing an emotional connection with the people I meet and appreciating the human I am connecting with. I’m happy that some of these connections have turned into friendships with men which is something I never used to have in the past.
4. Open your heart & be inviting
Practice opening your heart by being more outgoing, friendly, warm, even a bit playful and flirtatious. Keep it easy going and no pressure, just practice and make it a normal part of how you interact with people. That energy invites people into your world, they want to be around you.
If you want to attract more loving relationships, friendships or connections into your life this energy makes you a magnet for it. I credit this energy to the wonderful people I have attracted into my life who I’m so grateful for.
Remember be the energy you want to attract!
5. Romance your life
Playing out the scenario of “how will my life look if I never find romantic love or partnership?” helped me realign my priorities on creating a life I was completely in love with and that filled me up with joy!
Finding the right person to build a life with is a bit out of your control… however creating a life you love is completely within your control.
If you were to create your most beautiful, fulfilling, romantic, magical life… what would it look like? How would you spend your time? What kind of work would you be doing? What would you do for fun and pleasure?
If you are missing romance think of ways you can add some romance into your own life without depending on someone else.
Ideas that come to my mind are luxurious bubble baths, fresh cut flowers, dressing up, going out dancing, late night beach walks, going out for a delicious meal, watching the sunset etc.
I’ve spend the last few years intentionally creating a life that brings me joy and that to me is a wonderful act of self-love that I committed to.
6. Surrender to God’s Plan
I believe if you desire it, it’s meant for you. That desire was placed on your heart for a reason, now it’s about lining up with it vibrationally and allowing yourself to receive it.
But at the same time make peace with the fact that it hasn’t happened yet and maybe it never will.
Surrender to God’s plan. He hasn’t forgot about you, and usually has something much greater in store for you than you could conceive.
This step is all about cultivating trust in a greater plan and surrendering what we think we want.
7. You still have time
Remember just because it hasn’t happened yet doesn’t mean it won’t. I have to remind myself this constantly. I’m 29 and for some reason it feels like I’ll never find love… but I reality check myself. I could meet someone next week or in a few years when I’m 32 or 33 and then feeling fear and worry will have been for nothing.
Remember you still have time, there is no deadline to find a relationship. People find love at all ages. (Even in their 70’s, 80’s, 90’s)
So if you never find romantic love or partnership during this lifetime but you followed the steps above you still fill up your life with as much happiness, love and romance as possible.
You embody love each day, you attract wonderful people into your life who adore you, you have meaningful friendships, you cultivate a warm, magnetic energy that radiates out, you create your dream life and deepen trust in God’s plan for you.
If that’s the worst case scenario I make peace with it. I’m going to make the most of this life, it’s beautiful, divine and I trust everything is going according to plan.
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