Letting Go With Grace: Dating Lessons Part 3

The day before he was scheduled to fly out to see me in Mexico he called and solemnly told me… he didn’t see our relationship working out long term.

I was caught off guard because everything felt good between us up until then. He was the one that pursued me, said he wanted to be together and was planning this trip, so what changed??

Then when we spoke more he explained what was influencing his decision.

The conversations we had earlier about our families, what we each wanted for our future and our values seemed to align really well. But there were things he brushed to the side and was not honest about.

His culture was different from mine. I’m Canadian and he was Indian and his family was traditional. He finally opened up and shared how his family would expect his future partner to live with them in the same house in the US because it is customary for multiple generations to live together.

He shared his family would not accept certain things about me. For example how I ate meat and they were vegetarian, that I didn’t speak Indian, and they would expect me to dress much more conservatively.

I went from feeling very seen and accepted by this man to learning there were unspoken expectations for his partner, and I did not meet them. Even if I wanted to it would require me to abandon parts of myself and people please in order to be approved by him and his family.

I felt a range of emotions at first. Anger, sadness, grief, frustration.

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. It was also hard for me to fully understand since I was raised very differently and I personally do not seek out my families approval of who I want to date. However I appreciated he was honest after just a few months instead of waiting years and dragging this on so we could both be free to find a better suited match.

He still came to Tulum and we spent a wonderful 2 weeks together with a mutual understanding that we value our friendship but we were not going to continue a romantic relationship moving forward.

As strange as that may sound to most people, it was quite healing for me.

He was kind, generous, respectful, chivalrous even though we were technically broken up. We laughed a lot, went out for dinners, to the gym, hung out on the beach, watched rom-coms and ordered take out, meditated together and shared the feelings on our heart.

I had never been through a breakup that was gentle and caring like that before where both people wanted to preserve the friendship. I had only ever known breakups to been painful, two people saying hurtful things to each other or cold and disdainful.

My biggest lessons through this experience were that when two people genuinely care about each other a breakup can be done with gentleness and respect and to let this relationship go with grace.

I wasn’t going to prove myself worthy or change who I was to fit someone’s expectations. I also wasn’t going to speak poorly of him or feed any victim stories.

I had friends that were angry for me and wanted to indulge in stories of his immature behaviour, but I knew that wouldn’t be helpful or healing for me as it would just reaffirm negative beliefs about men.

What was helpful was asking myself, “what am I meant to learn here?”

It was a chance to embody my inner Queen energy. Queen energy is knowing you don’t need to drag others down to feel better about yourself. You are empowered, know your worth and hold your head high even during challenging or heartbreaking situations.

It was an opportunity for me to deepen my spiritual faith, because a core belief of mine is I trust whatever is meant for me will willingly stay and I don’t need to grasp or force it to work out.

I also learned how to let an incredible person go with grace, peace and acceptance. Even though I loved his soul, our deep connection, our easeful compatibility and felt gratitude he came into my life, I loved myself more.

For anyone going through a breakup it truly is a time to embody Queen energy, stand in your worth, see your value (even if someone else does not), and to CHOOSE yourself.

People come and go. But your greatest love story has already been unfolding this whole time.

It’s with yourself.

Everything you are going through is preparing you for what you asked for. Nothing is happening to you… it’s all happening FOR you. All you can do it savour the present moment and learn your spiritual lessons so you can embody the wisdom moving forward. ❤️

After some time going inward to process, I know I will keep my heart open to what God has planned next for me.